Memorial For the Sun
by Shtuff
Summary: One-shot. AU. Baka Naruto. How could you? It wasn't supposed to end like this.


**Disclaimer: **I don't own Naruto or any of its characters.

**I honestly have no idea where this came from. None. It just appeared in my head one day and wouldn't leave me alone until I wrote it down. So I did, for my own sanity. I'm actually pretty happy with the way it turned out, even though I've never written Sasuke before. **

**Please review, if you feel so inclined. I would love to hear your thoughts on this. **

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Naruto … I hate you. Do you know that? I absolutely _hate _you. How could you? It wasn't supposed to end like this. I wasn't supposed to be the last one standing. I'm not worthy of that title. You, or Sakura, or even Kakahsi deserved it far more. I was supposed to defeat my brother and then vanish, from your lives, from history—just fade into darkness where I belong. But no, you wouldn't let me. You were always stubborn that way.

Too stubborn for your own good.

I never meant to bring war, you know. I never meant…. I just wanted to kill Itachi. That was all. Revenge. Simple. So incredibly simple. How did I know that killing Orochimaru but letting Kabuto live and failing to destroy Madara would plunge the world into chaos. I never expected them to attack Konoha together. I'm not that heartless. But … I think you've always known that. Otherwise, you wouldn't have done what you did.

Baka, you always believed in me … too much. Why couldn't you just see me as a traitor and wash your hands of me? Why couldn't you just leave me to the darkness? Why did you have to try to save me? Why did you have to try to find good in me? Why … why didn't you just give up on me?

You would have lived. You would have become Hokage. You would have fulfilled your dream.

But, how can I even ask that? You're Naruto. You never give up.

Years ago you asked me what kind of Hokage you'd be if you couldn't even save a single friend. At the time, I had no idea how serious you were. I wish I had. Maybe, I would've been willing to give up on my revenge and just come home.

Maybe.

But I was stupid. I'll even admit that now. You were too, though. You just kept chasing me.

Until the war, anyway.

Then, I didn't hear from you at all. I heard _about _you, though. Everyone talked about you. Villages all across the world spoke your name, either in boast or loathing depending on the side they favored. You were a hero. An even greater name than your father.

And I envied you.

Isn't that strange? I never thought that _I _would be jealous of _you. _But I was and I'll admit it … since you can't really tease me anymore. You and Sakura became _legends, _heroes of the war, and I simply rotted in darkness, too lost and afraid and guilty to venture back toward Konoha.

I thought many times, in those days, traveling from village to village and hearing countless retellings of your exploits, about how I had once called you weak and that maybe, just maybe I had been wrong.

There, I said it. Laugh all you want, moron. At least I can't hear you.

I told myself that I didn't care about Konoha or anyone in it anymore. You were all dead to me. Yet, I couldn't explain why it hurt when news reached me that the Copy Ninja had fallen in battle. Kakashi had never been close to me. He was just a stupid obstacle.

Still, I grieved for him.

Somehow, I think you also knew that I did.

You always could see the human part of me, even when I couldn't. Or refused to.

I forget how many years passed and the world slowly descended into chaos. I didn't have to worry about anyone trying to hunt me down; every country was occupied with fighting. Still, I heard more and more about you. That you had surpassed even the Yondaime Hokage, that you were the greatest ninja to ever live, that you were a hero, blah, blah, blah.

But I never expected you to seek me out.

You tracked me down, as you'd always been able to fairly easily, outside a small village where I'd been holed up for months.

I didn't understand when you told me you were taking me back. Why now? After nearly ten years? Wasn't this over?

I honestly didn't want to fight you, you know. I didn't want to fight anything anymore. I didn't even want to live.

But you always did know how to push my buttons and even after ten years, you pushed them well. All I could see was red when I attacked you. You'd grown up. Your barbs dug deeper than I ever thought possible, affecting me more than I would've liked.

And for the life of me, I couldn't understand why you were smirking when I attacked you. Yet, your eyes were so sad. Too sad. They didn't fit in your face. And I just had to ask why you looked at me the way you did.

Then you told me Sakura had been killed.

At first, the words didn't register. They couldn't be true. How could a girl who could break through mountains with her fists be _killed? _It wasn't right. It wasn't _fair. _

And it _hurt. _Oh how it hurt.

Because of all the people in my life that I never wanted to see harmed, Sakura was at the top. Don't get me wrong. I never loved her the way you did, baka. I don't think I'm capable of such love. Itachi wiped those things from me the day he killed the clan. No, I didn't love her. But she _did _mean something to me. To this day, I'm not sure what.

Maybe it was the way she believed in me. Or admiration for how strong she became. I try not to dwell on it, even as I watch the rain run over her name on the battered memorial stone, pooling in the letters, filling them. Teardrops that I can never shed. I've lost that ability too. I haven't cried since That Day. Not once.

Not even when you decided to impale yourself on my katana.

Of all the random things you did, Naruto, that one completely blindsided me.

I think my mouth came unhinged. It still feels sore, months later. Or maybe that's just left over pain from the ache in my heart.

You smiled at me, as blood ran down your chin. _Smiled. _It felt wrong. No one should smile when they're dying.

But who I am kidding. You're Naruto and you _always _smile, even when you didn't meant it, even when the life was seeping out of you.

Yet, for some reason, I know you meant that smile. It reached your eyes. And there was such a look of utter _peace _in them that if you hadn't already been impaled on my blade I would've run you through, just to wipe that look away.

How could you be _peaceful _after what you'd just done? It's something I still don't understand.

And I wanted to scream when you talked, told me in such a broken voice it tore at the heart I swore I didn't have about _why _you were doing this. I wanted to scream … just to drown you out because I _didn't _want to know. Because none of this was right.

I'm not supposed to be the last one standing.

I'm not worthy of your admiration, Naruto. When did you find out about Mangekyou? When did you decide that I could do more for Konoha than you could? When did you decide that they needed an Uchiha? When did you decide? _When? _

Moron. How could you?

It wasn't supposed to end like this. It _wasn't. _

I wanted to tear my eyes out when I felt them changing. I honestly did. Because I didn't want them. They remind me of you. You dying with that stupid smile on your stupid face.

Did I mention I hate you?

Don't you know that I'm not worthy of this? You and Kakashi and Sakura are supposed to be the heroes. Not _me. _

I never dreamed you'd leave me behind. I always thought I'd die first, by Itachi's hand or someone else's. At the very most I thought we'd die together, locked in battle or something stupid like that.

Never would I have imagined our friendship would end with me holding your bloody body in my arms, listening to you beg me to go back and help Konoha because the village was losing and they needed me and you couldn't help much longer because your seal was weakening and Akatsuki was still stubbornly chasing you, and, for reasons I can't explain, promising you I would do as you asked.

But then again, life's annoyingly unpredictable like that.

I've come full circle. I walked back through Konoha's gates with your forehead protector in my hands, your blood on my clothes, and Mangekyou blazing in my eyes. I couldn't bring you back for a proper burial. But I don't really think you care. Things like that never bothered you.

You know what's really funny, baka? Tsunade believed me when I told her you'd killed yourself and I'd come back to fulfill some crazy dying wish of yours.

She's really gotten senile.

Or maybe she can see into people's souls just like you always could.

You'll be happy to know that your name is on the memorial stone. I carved it there myself. It's six names down from Sakura's and twenty-eight names down from Kakashi's. I know. I've counted the distance enough times.

Yeah, I come here a lot. The dead have always been better company than the living. Was that how Kakashi felt? Why he spent so much time here? Ask him for me, will you, Naruto?

And yes, I'm carrying out your stupid wish. Three days after I got back I put your forehead protector on and went off to fight. I've been fighting ever since.

And guess what, baka. We're winning. But why do I get the feeling that doesn't surprise you?

I think you knew all along, right from the start, maybe even the day I met you, that it would end like this. Maybe I'm stupid for thinking that, but there was a certain way you looked at me. Especially toward the end.

Isn't it ironic? You did what you promised you'd do. You brought me back. You saved me. I just never thought that you'd have to die to do it.

Sometimes I hate you for forcing me into this, putting this obligation on my shoulders. But, I don't mean it, baka. I can't hate you. I never could. No matter how hard I tried. Even when I pretended you didn't matter, you always did. You were my brother, no matter how much I denied it.

I find it a little sad that it took you dying for me to admit that. But, now you know.

My body's going numb. I have no idea how long I've been out here. Usually someone comes to drag me back inside. It's raining again. It always rains. It's barely stopped since you died. I think earth is holding a memorial for you, its sun. You always shone brighter than that ball in the sky, anyway. Or maybe that was just your hair. Heh. If I'm really honest, though, it was that stupid smile of yours. It blinded everyone, but it warmed hearts too. Now you're gone and the world is cold and empty and it cries because it misses you, lets loose a never-ending torrent of water. But that's okay. I like the rain. It washes everything away, numbs me. It sheds the tears I can't.

Heh, I've probably gone senile too, spouting things like that.

I just want you to know, baka, that I'll keep on fighting until we win this war. But not for this stupid village. I really could care less about Konoha. No, I'm doing it for you, Sakura and Kakahi. Because you never gave up on me and I figure you at least deserve something like this.

I don't know if I'm worthy enough to end up up there with you, but save a place for me, just in case.

I don't know how long it'll be until I see you again but I hope it's soon. I actually … miss you guys. I always have.

By the way, I'm still mad at you, moron. When I get up there I'm wiping that stupid grin I know is on your face right off. You're an idiot, Naruto.

It wasn't supposed to end like this.


End file.
